So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
