Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
