Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
