how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
