I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
