Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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