I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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