I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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