i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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