just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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