I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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