2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
