i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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