drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
