I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
