We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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