you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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