Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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