we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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