The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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