If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
