this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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