i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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