ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im part way to drunk.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
