sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize