idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
