the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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