Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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