return my video game
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
