mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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