There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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