The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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