If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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