It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
