He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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