I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
