I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
