This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fuck appropriateness.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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