i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
