I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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