he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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