my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
