You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize