i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
