It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
