sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
