im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
