Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
