There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
