she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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