Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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