I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
