Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
