she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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