We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
