He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
