i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
