my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
