Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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