so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
