My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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