I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
