If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
