the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
