im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
