So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
