Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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