I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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