I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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