Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
