Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
