remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
