good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
