I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
