This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
