but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
