if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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