What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
