i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
