Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
