I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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