dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
