omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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