Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
