i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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