Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
