Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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