Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
