You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
