jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
