i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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