If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
