she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize