I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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