why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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