Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
