Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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